Four tips to turn losses into lessons from Christina McHale and Shawn Foltz-Emmons

As a parent, there are a few things you can do to help your child and develop healthy routines. Try to give them space as they go through their own steps after they get off the court and process the match. According to Foltz-Emmons, parents and their children should make a commitment to keep their time in the car positive, so once you’re in the car on the way home or to the hotel, do not discuss how the match went. If you must, you can celebrate their hard work, but best practice is to keep the car ride home a tennis-free zone.

“Protect that time. And then when you get home or to the hotel, have the same routine no matter whether you win or lose, whether it's going to get ice cream, whether it's going to get a pedicure, whether it's going to a batting cage, whatever it is, just make sure what happens after the car ride home is the same,” Foltz-Emmons said.

Use losses as an opportunity for growth and reflection.

It’s completely normal to feel disappointed and discouraged by a loss, and as a parent, you should remind them that their feelings are valid. However, you can coordinate with your child’s coach to help them reframe those tough losses and opportunities for improvement. They can celebrate the things they did well that day and notice what they struggled with in order to improve on it the next time.

You can also emphasize the skills that your child is gaining through match play and practice, such as discipline, determination, problem solving and resilience. If they played perfectly each time they stepped on the tennis court, they would not learn these important lessons. Success can also be defined as being a good sport, staying calm under pressure, and hitting the shot they’ve been working on in practice.

Additionally, losses can have different root causes. Your child may have played poorly or their opponent had an exceptional day, while fatigue, injury and mental struggles can also play a role. Losing is an integral part of tennis, even though athletes play to win.

According to Davies, a common way to assess if they’re at the correct level is if they can win a third of their matches easily, a third are close matches and the last third are losses, which is important for growth and development. 

Remember that you are there to support your child, and refrain from coaching or commenting on their mistakes.

Although all parents want to help and protect their children, it’s important to remain a parent and not step into a coaching role. It might seem like reminding your athlete to move their feet or focus will improve results and therefore end in a happier child, it can blur the line between parent and coach. 

Allow the coach to tell them what to do, what strategies would work best and what they can improve on next time. Instead of providing tennis tips, ask your child how they’re feeling or if there’s something you can do to help them prepare ahead of the match. After they get off the court, praise their effort and resilience—regardless of the outcome. If your child mentions something they are proud of or thought they did well, celebrate that.

All of this holds true even if the coach isn’t at the match or traveling to the tournament. See if your child can call their coach for a pep talk or strategy session beforehand, or if the coach can provide a list of things to practice or focus on. You can ask your child if there’s something they want to focus on during the match or what their coach reminded them to do, but don’t press the issue if they seem resistant.

If you want to watch the recording of this webinar, click here. To be notified about future webinars and receive these tips in your inbox, sign up for the Net Generation parent newsletter. McHale and Foltz-Emmons will return for the May webinar, “Ace Your Well-Being: Strategies for Preventing Burnout in Tennis” on May 15—register here. 

**This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, but rather to provide general information. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding mental health and or a medical condition.