Eight tips to manage and prevent your child's anger on the court

“People who care do get angry,” Lauer said. “So it's going to happen. If you care about your tennis, you care about winning, you care about getting better, it's going to be there, and that's okay. It's important to give the young person space to feel that emotion and at the same time help them understand the consequences of their anger, help them connect A to B to see, ‘What's happening? How are you thinking about it? And then that anger comes, and what does that do to the way you behave and the way you perform?’”

It’s also important to tell your child that it can be hard to manage these strong feelings and they don’t always have control over how they feel—but they have control over the way they respond. 

Instead, the angry thoughts that caused them to double-fault or have an outburst remain, and without Novak Djokovic-like mental fortitude, your child won’t play better after a minute of angry catharsis, and their anger may actually increase. Additionally, after venting their anger by throwing their racquet or screaming, the emotional release will cause their energy levels to drop due to the emotional and/or physical exertion, when they need to conserve their energy to play their best.

Approaches like this can be applied to your athlete’s experiences on the court—heightened emotions lower the brain’s ability to think critically, but if they can re-center themselves, they can focus on their technique or strategy instead of thinking that they just can’t serve today.

#5 - Work on a developing a routine to help your athlete to reset between points.

While it might take practice and some tweaking to find tricks and strategies that help your child calm down and move past the anger, finding a routine that brings them back to equilibrium is a great tool for on-court success. 

Lauer recommends deep breathing to de-intensify the anger and think more rationally, then going to their towel and using it to “wipe away the past” along with their sweat. Once they put down the towel, it’s time for the athlete to refocus on something they can control, like moving their feet, getting their serve in or improving their slice. By doing this and putting their energy into actions they can take, it helps them feel more in control over what’s happening and redirect the anger.

#7 - Work with your child’s coach to set clear expectations and consequences regarding inappropriate or unsportsmanlike behavior.

While anger is a completely normal emotion, and your athlete should know that it is okay to get angry, especially when they are not pleased with their performance, they should also know that there is a level of behavior you and their coach will not tolerate. It’s inappropriate to swear, throw their racquet or hit a ball as hard as possible in any direction—and especially not at anyone.

Lauer said it’s best to act calmly while telling your child what actions are unacceptable, as you want to model emotional control for them. There will be moments that your child slips up, as they are still young and learning, so be empathetic yet firm in saying that they are not allowed to continue that behavior. Teach them that they are expected to meet a standard of good sportsmanship, and there are consequences for poor behavior. They may learn that during a match if they get a point penalty or are defaulted if their ball hit in anger touches the umpire, or you and your child’s coach may have another consequence, especially if they aren’t penalized during the match. However, physical punishments like push-ups or running laps are not advised.

Additionally, don’t tell them “not to be angry,” especially if they don’t know how to control it yet. Instead, advise them gently to breathe or take a few sips of water.

If anger persists or interferes with other aspects of your child’s daily life, like school or relationships, find a therapist or another professional who can help. They can help your athlete identify the root causes of their anger, and help them work through them and learn healthy coping mechanisms.

If you want to watch the recording of this webinar, click here. To be notified about future webinars and receive these tips in your inbox, sign up for the Net Generation parent newsletter. The next webinar, “Harnessing Technology to Boost Your Child's Development” featuring experts Dave Ramos and Paul Robbins will take place on Nov. 13—register here.

**This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, but rather to provide general information. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding mental health and or a medical condition.